Let's Make it 50

 The first thing I said to Lib this morning was,

"Let's make it 50."

January saw us reach 45 years of married life! January was busy. The wedding anniversary came quietly but gives opportunity for reflection, which has been pleasant and satisfying on a personal level, overriding the hassles and worries. Lib's sister Pat has serious health issues and has been undergoing chemo. Lib still struggles with her long COVID and skin allergies, but dare I say, seems to be improving.

January 16 saw settlement of the sale of the property known as Chamomile Farm at Emerald in Victoria. My parents bought the land in 1971, built a house and moved in the following year. I lived there for most of 1973, again 1975. I returned to the area (living in Gembrook for the next 40 years) to work at "the farm" in 1981 after marrying Lib. I became a part owner in 1986 and was proprietor of the business for 35 years.

 

Gord and I went to Emerald prior to settlement to help clean up the shed and have a last look around and see Mum Elvie in Aged Care at Salisbury House, as well as of course sister Meredith and Roger and brother Jod. I also managed to visit friends Rickyralph* and Monica in Berwick, also Maria Millers and Chris Britton in Emerald. A week away including two days traveling each way with overnight stops in Horsham and Nhill.

 

Lib held the fort at McCracken doing a deep clean in the house in hope of alleviating her skin rash allergy possibly caused by sensitivity to dust mites according to recent blood tests. She looked after our garden as well so her week of solitude was indeed a busy one. The weather turned feral in the second half of January. It was a heatwave across South East Australia well documented of record proportion. Our fridge didn't make it, the freezer no longer freezing. New fridge now in place.

 

While Gord and I were away, we booked a motel online for our return. I thought I was  booking with the motel direct, but when the confirmation email came I could see it was for the wrong day, the day that was nearly over (9pm), not the next day. Tried to ring customer service, Dallas USA, couldn't get through, fine print said no refunds on cancellation. Bottom line - I did $168 Australian when converted from $US. Oh, and $13 booking fee and $4 transaction fee on my credit card. Motel couldn't help when we did get there. They have no control over the booking companies - we had to pay another $150. A scam totally I reckon. Just shows me not to do things online when tired. Lesson learned! The fridge we bought locally was listed as $1399. After we bought it I saw on line the same fridge advertised on line at the Good Guys (South Adelaide) for $899 on special. Bugger.

 

We paid a deposit on a new car last week. The warranty on our Skoda runs out in April as does the rego. With a distribution from the sale of Emerald we thought it was a good time to look at a new vehicle. A contract is in place for March delivery of a Kia Sportage hybrid with a 7 year year warranty, fixed price servicing. Probably our last purchase of a motor car and hopefully 7 years of trouble free motoring. Should be a saving on fuel. We had a solar battery fitted last week, it was ordered last November and we've been in the queue. Should be a saving hereon in electricity. Save for some new socks and underwear, the rest of my farm money is going into the superannuation income stream but withholding a lump sum (possibly 25%) to pay Capital Gains Tax come the end of the financial year.

 

With all that's happened over the last six months with Elvie going into Aged Care; the sale, the clean up, the agent, the solicitor, all the discussion, paperwork, I can only say how fortunate we have been to have good professional people. Sue Colic at Barry Plant Real Estate was amazing. KLR legal services equally excellent. Mum is adjusted well to Salisbury House and was happy when I saw her, though naturally at 97 years old not every day is good. It was comforting to see how attentive, warm and caring the staff treated her. Meredith visits multiple times a week. Jod is staying on at the Emerald property as a tenant. He rang me yesterday, the new owner Chris is a fantastic fellow according to Jod. He loves his new property and is full of enthusiasm and energy, already making necessary improvements. Jod's old cat that lived with mum in the house has settled in well in Jod's bungalow and both of them managed quite well in the brutal heatwave.

 

Meredith and Roger did an amazing job handling the huge work involved in selling the property in preparation and in vacating the furniture and household accumulation of 50 years. Also prior to that looking after Elvie and maintaining the property. I'm forever grateful. 

 

I have much to be grateful for, as is true for all my life. Let's hope Lib and I get to 50 years married in, dare I say, 2031. There are no guarantees. Yesterday is history, tomorrow mystery, today a gift. I've said that many times probably in this blog. Our tour guide in Peru used it in his farewell speech a couple of decades ago. I think he got from a Schwarzenegger movie. I am hoping for a calm peaceful 2026, enjoying comfortable retirement. Life has remained good but the last six months or so has caused some disruption.

 

*In recent months Rick and Monica moved into a new place in Berwick, a retirement village sort of thing. He rang me Christmas eve, to say he and his daughters and families, the whole tribe, were going to Warrnambool on Xmas day for a week. He rang again early January to say he'd been there a couple of days when he got a phone call telling him someone had broken into his new house and camped there a couple of days. Some druggie had smashed the laundry window and climbed in, cutting himself and leaving blood in their bedding where he slept. They cleaned up and bought a new bed but the bloke stole Monica's jewellery and IPad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Music and Song

 This morning, instead of turning the radio on to Classic FM as is my normal habit, I played a CD. Themes and Dreams - 24 All Time Greats. I bought it a few years ago at an Opp shop for a whole dollar. I won't labour with all the titles, but let me say that so many of the theme songs evoked emotion. When it came to No 18, tears welled. 

 

Before we got there I'd sent an SMS to my childhood best friend Graeme, in answer to one he'd sent me a day previous. He answered quickly. I cherish my communication with Graeme, renewed a couple of years ago after decades of none. He told me some months ago he was going to euthanize himself at the end of November. His reasons were ill health, inability to be productive, having to find alternative accommodation, a wish to join his wife who died 11 years ago. Fortunately he changed his mind, found affordable accommodation with the help of his son. While not completely happy where he is now, at least he's there for me to have ongoing contact. We agreed this morning it's best to focus on things you enjoy doing, with no harm to anyone or anything.

 

Track 18 was The Wind Beneath My Wings. I was transported back in time 30-40years, to a funeral I attended. A little girl was killed in an accident, she was 3 or 4 years old from memory. She was out on her family's block. Her father was cutting a tree trunk. The tree had fallen in a storm and pulled a large ball of soil out with the stump. As he cut the trunk, the weight of stump, now free of the weight holding it up out of the ground, fell back into the hole it had come from. The little girl, unbeknown to her father who was sawing, had jumped into the hole. The big stump crushed her.

 

At the time of this incident, her grandmother Fay Bastin worked at Chamomile Farm and did for a decade or more. Her daughter Allison, mother of the little girl, also worked with us for a time, as did her brother and his wife. That's why I was at the funeral. The song played at the funeral was The Wind Beneath My Wings. It cuts through me whenever I have heard it since.

 

With my emotions heightened, I continued listening to the CD. Track 23 was The Good The Bad and The Ugly. Now if there's a song that resonates with more memories than that of my mate Rickyralph, I can't think of it. He's been my great mate for 6 decades almost. He has dementia, early stages and manageable but again I was filled with great emotion. We have shared so many highs and lows in our survival path to the present.

 

I googled Fay Bastin later. The last time I asked Meredith about her a year or two ago she replied that she'd heard nothing of her since she moved to Drouin decades ago. Google told me Fay died last September and was farewelled at a family only funeral in Drouin. 

 

It's amazing, the power of music and song. Whist most of what I have written here may seem sad, it's not total sadness or pain I'm feeling. There's a joyful side to it, so many rich memories of people come over me, with huge gratitude I have known so many wonderful people. Every one of them has left a mark on me. 

 

Is it a saying - "I am the product of all I have met and known?" Seems appropriate anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Human

My old mate, Ian Sinclair, Punjab, turned up earlier this month. We had much to talk about. He's been in Oz a couple of months having picked up his camper-van from where he leaves it in Australia. I not sure where. He flew into Sydney and after getting his van he headed to Queensland, visiting a mate, Col Stone, in northern NSW, on the way. He called at another mate's place, Bob Cooper, in Cairns, then he was off to Cooktown.

 

I mention Col and Bob by name because we all lived in Mt Waverley in the 1960's. Ian stayed with us from Sat 8 Nov till Monday 17 Nov. He rang a few times on his travels, his intention was to go across to Darwin and travel down to SA but the rego was due on his van and being NSW registered he needed a roadworthy certificate and this was more easily obtained for some reason in NSW so he headed south without the leg across the top.

 

He rang on 7 Nov from where he was camped in western NSW to say he wasn't far away, maybe he could do it in a day's drive. I told him that was fine he was welcome whenever. I told him briefly about my family's property at Emerald being for sale and the difficulties of that with all the paperwork with agent and solicitor back and forth and family complications. He said he was having hassles with his family here in Oz and he was keen to tell me about it  when he came. He was very interested in my family situation given that he was a frequent visitor in the early days when my family moved to Emerald. He was involved with the initial tree plantings and has visited the farm multiple times over the last 55 years, as recently as last summer.

 

Ian's family drama revolved around money. Assets of Reg Cantillon, Ian's step father. The Cantillons lived a few doors up from us in Virginia St. Mt Waverley. After Mrs Cantillon died and Ian's father died, Reg and Ian's mum, Beryl, married. Beryl died four years before Reg. He died in 2011. There were assets belonging to Reg that the executors, State Trustees, did not locate at the time the will was executed. These assets were unknown to the 6 beneficiaries, Ian, his brother and sisters and the Cantillon twins. A solicitor who specializes in this sort of thing, locating and processing lost assets found them somehow. He contacted Ian's family saying he knew where some of them were and that they amounted to in excess of $100k at the time the will was executed and had accrued to be worth over $500k now. This solicitor said he could find all the assets and organize their release to the executors for distribution to the beneficiaries. He would do this if the beneficiaries signed an agreement which would pay him 30pc of the total. Everyone else was willing to sign but not Ian, who thought 30pc too high a sum for some patient legwork.

 

One of Ian's sisters died in the interim so her bequeath would be split to her 2 children. Of the 7 needed to sign off Ian is the only one unwilling, so he's unpopular with the others. What a mess! Ian has found some of the assets are Commonwealth Bank Shares but knows not how many or what others there are or maybe, nor the total amount. He's trying to get the lady at the State Trustees who handles this to work with him to find them but she's unavailable, then on leave, then still not back when she said she would be. Nobody else there seems willing to work on it and say it will take weeks or months to find details never mind gaining authority.

 

Ian is understandably suspicious that there's some form of legal collusion at work. He's in no hurry to get his share. Others want it now or as quick as they can get it, never mind losing $160k plus to the solicitor. For much of the time he was here Ian was consumed by all this and spending countless hours on the phone to family and others discussing it and bringing me up to date following that. 

 

While this was going on I was consumed with matters to do with our property sale at Emerald. On that note I can say it has been sold, part deposit was paid 14 Nov with balance on 5 Dec. My fingers are still crossed nothing goes wrong. Settlement is set for 16 Jan. Then my involvement spanning over 5 decades will be over. Meredith and Roger are so busy getting rid of stuff and cleaning up, they have my sympathy. Jod thinks the new people will let him stay in his bungalow. I don't know how that will end. 

 

There's more I could write about for November but it will wait. I've worn myself out mentally going over all the legal stuff. Ian and I talked of so many things that have happened in our lives over the 60 plus years we have known each other. He and Gord came with me to Adelaide where we stayed overnight so I could attend (they came too) a SA chapter reunion of Old Camberwell Grammarians. A wine and cheese night. There was only one other bloke there from my final year, 1970, but we had an enjoyable time talking to mostly old guys. We then had dinner at a Greek cafe. We visited my Aunt Hatsu in Adelaide on the Saturday on the way home. She's 92 and managing quite well with home care. To think, she first met me when she came to Australia in 1961 having married my uncle.  I was nine years old. She was a girl during WW11 when Japan was heavily bombed. She ate sparrows and mice to stave of severe hunger.

 

Ian and I agreed that being a human being is a wild adventure. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kitchen Duty

 I washed dishes this morning, as I do every morning. And evening. I quite enjoy it. I find simple, mundane tasks calming. 

 

But it was a bit different today. I looked closely at items as I dried them and placed them squeaky clean in orderly sequence on the bench, ready to put away when I'm finishing the exercise. There were spoons from Indonesia and China and a knife from Sheffield England. There plates from China and USA. I picked up a little bottle of ghee on the bench. Packed in Australia but "Product of India." There was fruit on the bench, Kiwi from NZ, and I recalled seeing fresh food in the supermarket from USA the day previous.

 

It struck me what an amazing life we live. There's stuff from all over the world in my house, right at mt fingertips, all combining to give me a pleasant affluent lifestyle compared to so many people in the world who grub out existence the hard way. Historically, before electricity and the internal combustion engine inventions, it was so for most people. I think this way also driving around in traffic with just about every body driving around in their mechanized ton and half of steel, plastic, aluminum, vinyl, rubber personal transport - without an iota of concern really for where it or the fuel comes from.

 

Our car is a Skoda built in Czechoslovakia.  I can't even spell it  without auto correct!

 

I find it all.....bloody weird.  

 

 

It Cometh, To All

On our recent trip back to Victoria (August) we visited numerous family and friends, particularly in the Emerald /Cockatoo / Gembrook area where we lived for forty years until March 2021. There were many more people I'd have liked to visit but it was impossible, given our hectic schedule, to see all. 

 

My friend Vilma lives close to where we did in Gembrook and I called there without notice after we visited our old house. Lib wasn't with me at this stage, she went back with Rob to Emerald where we were staying after we checked out Agnes St. We were moved to see our our old garden, most trees still thriving but generally the surrounds were unkempt compared to how it was when we left. Vilma is 90 years old and a dear friend who always was warm and welcoming to me over a couple of decades. I picked in her garden and helped her with various gardening work extending to cleaning her spouting when her partner Josef was not well enough to climb up ladders. Josef is also a friend of mine, he was a neighbour of Vilma's and after his wife died he and Vilma hit it off and Joseph moved in and rented his house out. Josef is several years, maybe 10-15 younger than Vilma but who cares about that if it works.

 

When I called Josef was not home. He was at medical appointment and is waiting for a new hip operation. I was sorry to have missed him but Vilma was so obviously happily surprised to see me that any flatness I felt seeing our old abode disappeared. Despite her 90 years Vilma is as sharp as a tack with the same positive outlook that always lifted me no matter the weather or what foul circumstances may have been my lot at the time. Some people have that effect on you. During our discussion I told Vilma that I had befriended her daughter Julienne on Facebook after she popped up on my feed one day and I recognized the surname as the same as Vilma's. Julienne lived in Perth. On her FB I saw after a year or so she moved to Wangaratta, so I had a couple of messages with her over that, as I had lived and worked there for 5 years 1976-1981.

 

Then Julienne stopped posting. Months went by and I wondered why she wasn't posting. I PM'd her saying I hoped she was alright. No response. I did again a couple of months later with again no response. I told Vilma while we were catching up on things that I was friends with her daughter on FB but she'd stopped posting. Vilma's reply gave me a start.

 

"Oh. July died." Totally surprised, I asked what did she die from.

 

"She just died, in her house." I asked again what killed her.

 

"They don't know. She just died. It was her time to die. Her heart stopped. They found her on the floor." 

 

Vilma seemed quite composed about it although obviously sad. She said a policeman came to her door and sat in that chair there (pointing to it, next to hers) and told her. She said she asked the policeman could she ring one of her other daughters and tell her. He sat listening while Vilma told her July was dead and the daughter said, "I knew she was dead. I dreamed she was lying dead on the floor with blood coming from her head." The phone was on speaker so the policeman heard the conversation. Before leaving he wanted the other daughter's details, Vilma guessed because he found it a little strange. Nothing further came of it and it would seem likely it's possible people can dream things like that. That daughter did not live close to Julienne and there was no other way she could have known.

 

At least my mystery on why Julienne had gone quiet was answered. Another incident relating to Facebook comes to mind from earlier this year. A notification from a friend appeared in my feed.

 

"If you read this I'm dead." 

 

There was more by way of explanation but I can't recall it without hunting back. Ann Bolch had suffered from breast cancer and undergone chemo etc but she succumbed. She wrote her own last post on paper and asked her husband Tim to post it after she left us. That one shocked me, I had seen mention of her cancer earlier but only in a positive way approaching treatment.

 

When I look at my FB friends there are quite a number who are no longer with us, but I don't remove them as somehow them being there keeps them in my life and reminds me that it comes to us all sooner or later. No exceptions.   

 

 

 

Gaslighting

 The modern definition of gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique in which a person tries to convince someone that their reality is untrue. It is a tactic often used by narcissists to gain control of their intended target.

I found that on Google, after looking up the word in my desk dictionary, The Australian Pocket Oxford Dictionary 1992 edition, which has no listing for the word at all. I concluded the Google definition is a recent interpretation of the word.

I looked it up because it's a word that's been frequently used over a few years now in interviews and discussion, often of a political nature, usually I think in the context of someone being harmed or betrayed in some way, but I never really knew how that was. I haven't heard it for a while, but now that I've learned the modern meaning of it, I suppose it'll mean the gaslighter is possibly a narcissist trying to manipulate the gaslit person's beliefs as a means to dominate them.

I confess that's still a bit difficult for me. I prefer by far my previous accepted version of the word, which coincides with the old dictionary I have, Websters Modern 20th century 1947 edition. It's a huge book that came from my grandmother Nanna Wilson originally to the farm when she came to live there in 1973, and somehow now sits in our "library". The pages are yellowed and the writing so small I could hardly read it.

It states Gaslighting - "The light produced by the combustion of coal gas."

June Update

 I noticed that my last post was 23 May. My how time flies. I'm happy to report that my back and hip issues have been resolved. My remedial massage went well (Natalia-excellent) but hip pain persisted so I brought my chiropractor maintenance appointment forward. Louis listened closely while I explained that lying in bed was the worst, there was aching quite severe in the hip and down the leg. Also getting in and out of bed or a car. He was immediate in answer and said I had a hip bursa (he may have used a more fancy name too). He was confident that was exactly what it was and exactly how to rectify it. He did the usual back manipulations and said he'd send me a video on how to fix it with an exercise roller that I could buy at KMart or BigW. The video came while he worked on his computer, my phone pinged with an SMS while I was in his room. The whole thing took about 15-20 minutes.

 

I bought a roller at KMart (I could only get a hard one whereas the video said use a soft roller as it's painful). I went home and did the exercises. Yes painful, but it worked. I bought a medium roller next day at BigW and repeated the exercises for a couple of days. Just as Louis said I would, I came good, not completely out of all discomfort but well enough to not do the painful exercises with the disruption to daily routine.

 

I have been weeding down the river and attending planting working bees there and at the Bluff. Very satisfying. While doing some of this my left hand became very painful, especially in the thumb base and wrist. A friend in the FoHRE said he uses a product he buys at Woolworths, Zea Relief - Kunzea Pain Relief Cream. I bought a tube (not cheap $35) and applied it night and morning with excellent result. I've been using it for a week and the hand is now better than the right one. My problem would I think be normal arthritis common to people my age. As they say, "Getting old is not for sissies." I'm always a bit worried when I have these pain issues that the rheumatoid arthritis is back but so far so good, that monster is well and truly behind me I hope.

 

Since I last posted the drought has broken in this area, with good rain I think totaling more than 150 ml for the last part of May and June to date. Wonderful for all the trees, shrubs and grasses we've planted, many hundreds on the river and the big community planting day on the Bluff saw 2500 planted.

 

I read that book I mentioned last month 'What Alice Forgot'. She lost her ten year memory and knew nothing of what changes had occurred in her life. It slowly came back. I found it food for thought. Our lives do change greatly over a ten year period, our preferences, prejudices, opinions, changes driven by circumstance and fate and experience. Mine did/has anyway.

 

I'm reading 'Lola's Secret' now by Monica McInerney. I'm enjoying it, I'm about halfway in. She tells a good entertaining yarn about family interaction. I read one of hers some years ago set in Hobart. This one is set in Clare SA where author Monica grew up in a family of seven children. Thank goodness for books, I love reading.