Lib and I, and G and R, tripped to Wangaratta on the weekend (13/14Feb-- I'm behind in my blogging, this sat as a draft for a week or more) to visit Molly. At 91 Molly is well but frail, and has various health issues that make her life awkward. Reduced mobility means it takes her so long to do things and of course there are many things she can't do. She relies on home help which comes twice a day, morning and afternoon. We took up an oxtail stew that Lib cooked during last week.
It was a nice little rest. I finished the book I'd been reading, 'Well Done Those Men' by Barry Heard. It's the memoirs of a Vietnam veteran who suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It details his experiences before his conscription, during training, in Vietnam, and then on his return to Australia, continuing through his studies and career as a teacher and his breakdown and recovery. I found his story riveting and I feel compelled to write to him, as follows.
Dear Barry,
I have just completed your book 'Well Done Those Men', and I congratulate you for your courage. It's an amazing and alarming story, well told. I too was conscripted, fortunately not till September 1972. I didn't go to to Vietnam; Australia had withdrawn most of the troops by then and I have never suffered PTSD, but your graphic detail roused me, as does your honesty.
Despite having about five years to get used to the possibility, and many months to the reality, I was shit scared when I fronted up to Swan St for the bus trip to Puckapunyal. I resolved to meet every challenge as best I could, but it was a strange feeling, one of losing control of my destiny from that point. I had been a student at Caulfield Tech doing business studies when the ballot took place, I could've had it deferred, but frankly the army at that point looked more exciting than accountancy.
The anti war protests and moratorium marches had been building to a massive scale. I sided with the establishment. Early in 1971, the 'love of my life' up to that point, gave me the flick for a long haired, bearded, caftan clad older bloke at Melbourne Uni, where she went after completing school. It was gut wrenching. I had no time for the protests and the hippy movement in general and spent much of my spare time away in the bush with a mate or two camping and fishing. A friend, Ian, had been to Vietnam, finishing his national service in 1971. Three years older than me, he went through school with my brother, as I did with his. He was a keen hunter and fisherman, we often camped and fished in the Victorian highlands. On his return, that's all he wanted to do. He left the railways, where he'd worked as a fireman on the trains pre army, also with my brother. If I couldn't go bush with him he'd go by himself for days at a time.
As 1972 came and my number came up, I quit the business studies and had some months spare. Ian and I did a trip to the Flinder's Ranges in January 1972. It wet our appetite so we took off next to Alice Springs and Darwin. Before my whereabouts became the business of the army that September, I spent a lot of time with Ian which was somehow a comfort to my anxiety, as he'd already done it. Not that he talked about it much, and he said little about Vietnam. He didn't really show 'readjustment blues', other than lengthy morose, silent periods, and the odd angry outburst. One I recall when a country cop in Sth. Australia pulled up his car and wanted to look in the boot. When he found Ian's two rifles, what should have been a routine roadside check became a heated incident back at the police station while the cop asked questions and did his checking. Ian seethed with indignity, his anger obvious, and he worried me with the lack of respect he showed. The policeman to his credit seemed to read the situation and we ultimately left without further incident or impediment. Weeks later a fine from the SA Police arrived at Ian's house for driving a car with "excessive exhaust noise and emitting sparks." He flared and seethed.
Another time I foolishly shot at a rabbit quite close to the camp after I'd been off on a walk, and he didn't know I'd come back. He was totally enraged. Looking back I realize that both these incidents concerned firearms and he was ultra sensitive. Fortunately he wasn't a heavy drinker. Before Vietnam he was a light drinker, afterward he hardly touched it, saying he drank that much beer in Vietnam that he now had no interest.
The NCO instructors when I was at 2RTB were regulars and had all been to Vietnam, some perhaps more than one tour. To a man they seemed to have an alcohol problem, you never knew when one or more would turn up in the evening, drunk and nasty. The 'Parade 8' call would come and we'd line up in front of the hut and cop abuse. 'Shellshock' Murphy was the worst. We loathed and dreaded the sight of him. The others were bad but Murphy worked himself almost to a frenzy, spraying saliva from his purple face, his blood vessels and eyes bulging, telling us we weren't fit to sleep in the same beds as those that came before us, some of whom bled and died in some stinking muddy ditch in the stinking bloody jungle. They loathed us, we felt, and the society that had shunned, protested, marched, yelled abuse, and thrown paint. In retrospect I think they were all close to 'the edge' and it was only their 'togetherness' that prevented them going over. Perhaps some did later.
Our march out parade at 2RTB was the same day as the 1972 Federal Election. I couldn't vote, the voting age was 21 then. It was an uncertain time. We didn't know whether we'd all be discharged or what if Labour got in. After a couple of weeks of sitting around or being taken out to the bush in trucks and having to find our way back, we learned we could leave if we liked or at any time before term by now reduced to eighteen months was up. If we left early we'd get the benefits the previous nashos got after they completed their term, eg training schemes, and if we stayed on the incentive was that we'd be eligible for the same perks as nashos that had served OS, eg cheap home loan. This annoyed the regular soldiers. I decided to stay on and finish my term. I went to Corps training, the Service (Transport) Corps for a short time, till some incident upset me, and with no compulsion to stay it all seemed a bit pointless. Morale in the army seemed to deteriorate badly after the election. My platoon sergeant called me an effing weak prick when I told him I was off. I felt like a jib, but I had a life to get on with.
Ian had done a bricklaying course which ran for a few months with the intention of working with his uncle in Canberra. He finished the course and built a path and a wall at our new 'farm' but didn't set up as a bricklayer. He had a suspect back from falling off a truck in Vietnam. He came up to our farm everyday for months on end and helped planting trees and starting the garden. I'd signed up to do a beekeeping course at Qld Ag College in 1974, but he had no plans or ambition, and just hung around every day. In the end we got stuck into him a bit, his aimlessness was starting to irritate. One day, he said he was going to WA. His brother who went through school with me, was working for a plumber mate at Kunanurra. I felt guilty after he left.
He wrote the odd letter, but we didn't see him for a number of years. Then he started appearing out of nowhere without any notice, every couple of years or so, when he came to see his mum in Melbourne. He'd want to see the garden he'd helped plant at our farm. That had given him a love of trees and planting them. He travelled constantly through Australia and Asia with long hair and a beard like a hippy. He went where the fancy took him if he could afford to get there. One time he turned up in a beat up old Toyota jeep with WA plates, a lot of rust, but no current rego. I told him he was foolish, he'd get picked up by the cops for sure. He said, "I don't care, what can they do?" I said they'd put a canary on his car and fine him and it'd cost him heaps. He said that didn't worry him. He'd just leave the car there and piss off back to WA, which is exactly what happened. Another time I questioned the wisdom of his lifestyle, suggesting he buy a house, with thought for the long term. We'd discuss things like that. He said to own a house was the last thing he'd want because, "Then they can find me".
So your story rang a lot of bells for me. Like you, I married a nurse. Her family had, and still has, a holiday house at Lakes Entrance. I'm not much of a golfer but I've played a few rounds at Swift's Creek and was comfortable there while I'm not at other courses. I distrust authority and bureaucracy. Over time I've changed my view of the Vietnam conflict. We never should have been there, is my opinion now. It appalls me to think of the 500 plus Australians who died and the thousands wounded bodily and psychologically. Also the huge numbers of Americans and Vietnamese. I hate violence, racism, and injustice.
Ian lives in Canada now, after marrying a Canadian lady he met on his travels. They have two sons, one about twenty and the other ten. He's on Vancouver Island for twelve months where his wife is doing a naturopathy course, but they have a house in Whitehorse in the Yukon where they live usually, and where the winters are about 6 months long. He still loves hunting and fishing, but now it's moose and salmon. He rings every Christmas and other odd times. The last time I saw him was March 2008. He came to Australia so his younger son could meet his mother who was turning 90. It was minus 40C when he left Whitehorse and 40 above here when he arrived and took his son camping up around the Big River arm of Eildon, where we used to go.
Thanks again for the book. It's the best account and explanation I have read about something I have pondered about over time. There has been too much silence over the decades and I'm sure your book has helped soothe many who served in Vietnam. I wish you and your old army mates the very best of everything for the future. I'd send your book to my friend Ian but I have to return it, as I borrowed it. I'll keep my eyes peeled for one.
Carey Williams
I'll try to transfer the above letter to 'Word' and print it out and send it to Barry via the publisher. I'd recommend Barry's book. I hope Ian doesn't mind me writing about him in my blog, should he read it. Too bad if you do mate! As I said I'll send you the book if I can find one.
( Since I started the draft saying Molly is well, she has had bleeding from the bowel and has been in hospital and has had a couple of transfusions. She's being discharged tomorrow and Lib is going to Wang in the morning for a few days.)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
A Walk Back in Time
An email from a childhood friend, Graeme Forster, came three days before Christmas, in response to one I sent the same day. I hadn't seen or heard from Graeme for more than twenty years and had lost all contact details after he moved from his home in northern NSW. Years ago I rang his old number and learned he'd moved. I tried the phone directory for the area and also Canberra and Perth where I knew his older brothers Keith and Bill lived at some stage, to no avail. Every number I called was a dead end. Mr.Forster died in 1976 and Mrs. in1981.
While shopping in Emerald about three years ago I had a conversation with a lady, Bronwyn, who mentioned casually her husband's aunt, who, before advancing years and the loss of her husband largely confined her to home, was a regular visitor to Chamomile Farm. I recalled my parents telling me Graeme's brother Keith, on his way up to visit friends way back in the 1970's, had called in at the farm. His friends were Bronwyn's husband's aunt and uncle. I asked Bronwyn did she see the aunt much and she said that coincidentally they were going to see her the next day. Bronwyn said she'd ask the aunt if she still had contact with Keith Forster.
I saw Bronwyn in the street a couple of weeks later and she told me that the aunt did have Keith's phone number but she didn't get it from her when she was there, as the old lady was not well and she didn't like to push, but she would get it next time or when circumstances were right. Well I didn't see Bronwyn again for three years, till about last August. She explained she'd been living in Dubai for the last two years and when I jogged her about the phone number she told me the aunt was still alive and she'd ask again. Days later I met Bronwyn again and she obligingly gave me a piece of paper with Keith's mobile phone number on it.
I rang Keith twice about a month apart and left a message on the answering service. Keith had not responded by November. I was beginning to feel like that bloke in the TV ad who rang his mate eating a pie across the road on his mobile and watched his mate ("Come on Johnny me old mate" as the phone rang) check who the call was from before ignoring it and putting the phone away. On November 14, Jod's 60th birthday, I rang Keith again, realizing it was also Bill Forster's birthday and hoping to get Bill's phone number so I could ring him and surprise him with a birthday greeting.
This time Keith answered. He apologized for not calling earlier, he'd been busy. He's a single parent looking after his 17 year old daughter from his second marriage. He works as an analyst for the defence Department in Canberra. He told me Bill had died of dementia a couple of years back, aged 58. He gave me Graeme's address, phone and email details and on Dec 22 I emailed Graeme, prompted by Christmas.
Graeme lives on the Gold Coast. He's a carer for his wife who has suffered a series of strokes. They have three grown up kids aged 29, 26 and 20. The girls are at Uni and live at home and his son Darcy works as a bush regenerator, mostly on Stradbroke Is. The eldest, Ella, is completing a philosophy degree and has a spiritual and inward inclination which Graeme says is something she has in common with him.
There's a picture in our family album of Graeme and I in the Mt.Waverley Primary School football team photo. We're sitting centre in the front row, each with both our hands on the footy between us. We were in Grade 5. Most of the kids in the photo were grade sixers, in that year in which our school won the area footy comp. The captain is holding the shield in the photo. I remember little of the actual footy but I think we played the very strong Chadstone in the deciding match and against the odds and showing great persistence we triumphed narrowly. There's also a class photo of our grade 5, 1962, in which again Graeme and I have the then fashionable crew cut hair.
We were inseparable mates for four or five years. Sport orientated and athltetic, fit young fellows, we rode pushbikes everywhere, kicked the footy in the park for hours on end, played cricket and shuttlecock in the back yard, pool and billiards, all with a friendly competetiveness. I could never bridge the foot or so edge Graeme had over me in a sprint race. Each summer I'd go away on holiday with the Forster family to Lorne or Torquay. Mr and Mrs Forster treated me like one of the family and I soaked up the holiday atmosphere and the beach environment and casual picnic type lunches of fresh rolls and salad. And lemon squashes at the pub when Mr. Forster (also Bill) nipped in for a beer on the way down. Greame and I did a paper round to give the regulars a break over Christmas to earn spending money for our holiday, on which we budgeted carefully to pay for icecreams, mini golf, trampoline sessions and soft drink. It was wonderful childhood stuff.
When primary school finished I was grateful my parents sent me to Malvern Grammar where Graeme was enrolled, and where Keith and Bill had already passed through forms 1 and 2 and progressed to the senior school, Caulfield Grammar. We in turn moved on to Caulfield Grammar in 1966 where I think the pressures of senior school and different classes and subjects separated us a bit. Probably with adolescence came interest in the opposite sex which further compounded life and we lost our simple boyhood alliance that was our bond. It was all a bit much for me. I became wayward and rebellious and found similar companions and was ultimately expelled from school in 1968, and our two families each had their own dramas. My family moved from Mt.Waverley in 1971, Graeme was at university, and I saw him rarely by then.
In his email Graeme said he had so many fond memories of our childhood and of my family, some of which I've mentioned above and others like fireworks and water bombs recall to me how we were often quite mischievous and downright naughty. One hot summer's day we found we could make effective water bombs which could be lobbed through the open window of the train into the driver's head or lap from our strategic ambush position as the train left the station. After watching the driver duck in evasive action as he wondered what the devil was coming at him we'd ride away laughing till our bellies ached.
Another of Graeme's memories was the 1964 Grand Final which we attended in standing room as 12 twelve year olds. My team Melbourne won by four points after 'Weideman' had put Collingwood ahead in the dying moments. I have to correct Graeme on that, it was Gabelich that kicked that goal. It was Melbourne's last premiership, and he's correct that his team Essendon has had a lot more success since, to the tune of 5 flags- 65, 84, 85, 93, and 2000 (when they beat Melbourne). I hope the pendulum swings back now, but I have to say over the years I've been glad for Graeme when Essendon had success, even though I couldn't stand that thug Sheedy. I'm pleased that Graeme still has an interest in the footy and goes to the odd pre-season game when it's on at Carrara.
Graeme said also his main interest over the past twenty years has been remembering God. He's not a member of any church group but I took from his comments that he has a belief and meditates and has an inward peace which removes him from the troubles of society and the stresses of life. He said he was agnostic till the late 1980's when personal experience started him on his inward search, but it probably had its origin back when he was present at first his father's death in 1976, then his mother's in 1981. On both occasions he felt they left to go somewhere else, so that to him, they never really died. It was comforting for me to read. I was so very fond of Bill and Ethel Forster who were like another set of parents to me. I think I always felt I let them down with the waywardness of my adolescence, and of course with their passing from this life so long ago, I never had the chance to put it right later, or at least give them back some of the human kindness they showed me when I was young, the kindness that has been so important in helping me be as compassionate a person as I can.
Graeme saying it felt like his parents left to go somewhere else reminded me of something Meredith once said. She was present when our nanna Wilson died, and she said it was like an unstoppable force leaving, which was not unlike the feeling she had when her daughters were born, except in that case the unstoppable force was coming not going.
Graeme said my email would bring him many smiles at Christmas. I'm so glad for that.
While shopping in Emerald about three years ago I had a conversation with a lady, Bronwyn, who mentioned casually her husband's aunt, who, before advancing years and the loss of her husband largely confined her to home, was a regular visitor to Chamomile Farm. I recalled my parents telling me Graeme's brother Keith, on his way up to visit friends way back in the 1970's, had called in at the farm. His friends were Bronwyn's husband's aunt and uncle. I asked Bronwyn did she see the aunt much and she said that coincidentally they were going to see her the next day. Bronwyn said she'd ask the aunt if she still had contact with Keith Forster.
I saw Bronwyn in the street a couple of weeks later and she told me that the aunt did have Keith's phone number but she didn't get it from her when she was there, as the old lady was not well and she didn't like to push, but she would get it next time or when circumstances were right. Well I didn't see Bronwyn again for three years, till about last August. She explained she'd been living in Dubai for the last two years and when I jogged her about the phone number she told me the aunt was still alive and she'd ask again. Days later I met Bronwyn again and she obligingly gave me a piece of paper with Keith's mobile phone number on it.
I rang Keith twice about a month apart and left a message on the answering service. Keith had not responded by November. I was beginning to feel like that bloke in the TV ad who rang his mate eating a pie across the road on his mobile and watched his mate ("Come on Johnny me old mate" as the phone rang) check who the call was from before ignoring it and putting the phone away. On November 14, Jod's 60th birthday, I rang Keith again, realizing it was also Bill Forster's birthday and hoping to get Bill's phone number so I could ring him and surprise him with a birthday greeting.
This time Keith answered. He apologized for not calling earlier, he'd been busy. He's a single parent looking after his 17 year old daughter from his second marriage. He works as an analyst for the defence Department in Canberra. He told me Bill had died of dementia a couple of years back, aged 58. He gave me Graeme's address, phone and email details and on Dec 22 I emailed Graeme, prompted by Christmas.
Graeme lives on the Gold Coast. He's a carer for his wife who has suffered a series of strokes. They have three grown up kids aged 29, 26 and 20. The girls are at Uni and live at home and his son Darcy works as a bush regenerator, mostly on Stradbroke Is. The eldest, Ella, is completing a philosophy degree and has a spiritual and inward inclination which Graeme says is something she has in common with him.
There's a picture in our family album of Graeme and I in the Mt.Waverley Primary School football team photo. We're sitting centre in the front row, each with both our hands on the footy between us. We were in Grade 5. Most of the kids in the photo were grade sixers, in that year in which our school won the area footy comp. The captain is holding the shield in the photo. I remember little of the actual footy but I think we played the very strong Chadstone in the deciding match and against the odds and showing great persistence we triumphed narrowly. There's also a class photo of our grade 5, 1962, in which again Graeme and I have the then fashionable crew cut hair.
We were inseparable mates for four or five years. Sport orientated and athltetic, fit young fellows, we rode pushbikes everywhere, kicked the footy in the park for hours on end, played cricket and shuttlecock in the back yard, pool and billiards, all with a friendly competetiveness. I could never bridge the foot or so edge Graeme had over me in a sprint race. Each summer I'd go away on holiday with the Forster family to Lorne or Torquay. Mr and Mrs Forster treated me like one of the family and I soaked up the holiday atmosphere and the beach environment and casual picnic type lunches of fresh rolls and salad. And lemon squashes at the pub when Mr. Forster (also Bill) nipped in for a beer on the way down. Greame and I did a paper round to give the regulars a break over Christmas to earn spending money for our holiday, on which we budgeted carefully to pay for icecreams, mini golf, trampoline sessions and soft drink. It was wonderful childhood stuff.
When primary school finished I was grateful my parents sent me to Malvern Grammar where Graeme was enrolled, and where Keith and Bill had already passed through forms 1 and 2 and progressed to the senior school, Caulfield Grammar. We in turn moved on to Caulfield Grammar in 1966 where I think the pressures of senior school and different classes and subjects separated us a bit. Probably with adolescence came interest in the opposite sex which further compounded life and we lost our simple boyhood alliance that was our bond. It was all a bit much for me. I became wayward and rebellious and found similar companions and was ultimately expelled from school in 1968, and our two families each had their own dramas. My family moved from Mt.Waverley in 1971, Graeme was at university, and I saw him rarely by then.
In his email Graeme said he had so many fond memories of our childhood and of my family, some of which I've mentioned above and others like fireworks and water bombs recall to me how we were often quite mischievous and downright naughty. One hot summer's day we found we could make effective water bombs which could be lobbed through the open window of the train into the driver's head or lap from our strategic ambush position as the train left the station. After watching the driver duck in evasive action as he wondered what the devil was coming at him we'd ride away laughing till our bellies ached.
Another of Graeme's memories was the 1964 Grand Final which we attended in standing room as 12 twelve year olds. My team Melbourne won by four points after 'Weideman' had put Collingwood ahead in the dying moments. I have to correct Graeme on that, it was Gabelich that kicked that goal. It was Melbourne's last premiership, and he's correct that his team Essendon has had a lot more success since, to the tune of 5 flags- 65, 84, 85, 93, and 2000 (when they beat Melbourne). I hope the pendulum swings back now, but I have to say over the years I've been glad for Graeme when Essendon had success, even though I couldn't stand that thug Sheedy. I'm pleased that Graeme still has an interest in the footy and goes to the odd pre-season game when it's on at Carrara.
Graeme said also his main interest over the past twenty years has been remembering God. He's not a member of any church group but I took from his comments that he has a belief and meditates and has an inward peace which removes him from the troubles of society and the stresses of life. He said he was agnostic till the late 1980's when personal experience started him on his inward search, but it probably had its origin back when he was present at first his father's death in 1976, then his mother's in 1981. On both occasions he felt they left to go somewhere else, so that to him, they never really died. It was comforting for me to read. I was so very fond of Bill and Ethel Forster who were like another set of parents to me. I think I always felt I let them down with the waywardness of my adolescence, and of course with their passing from this life so long ago, I never had the chance to put it right later, or at least give them back some of the human kindness they showed me when I was young, the kindness that has been so important in helping me be as compassionate a person as I can.
Graeme saying it felt like his parents left to go somewhere else reminded me of something Meredith once said. She was present when our nanna Wilson died, and she said it was like an unstoppable force leaving, which was not unlike the feeling she had when her daughters were born, except in that case the unstoppable force was coming not going.
Graeme said my email would bring him many smiles at Christmas. I'm so glad for that.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Still Walking
Despite the demands of business and summer I'm still walking almost every morning. And still loving it. At the New Year I'd been walking for four years. At say 350 walks per year of say 4.5km, that's 1575km per year multiplied by 4 is 6,300km. Australia has19,650km of coastline (which includes Tasmania of course, and all the bays and gulfs etc) so I hope to do another 8 years of morning walks and be able to say I've walked the distance equivalent to the entire Australian coast since I started. Should happen about my 66th birthday should I be so lucky. You are invited to the party, 8 April 2018. RSVP 1 April 2018. Venue? Who knows? To be advised.
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