A Walk Back in Time

An email  from a childhood friend, Graeme Forster, came three days before Christmas, in response to one I sent the same day. I hadn't seen or heard from Graeme for more than twenty years and had lost all contact details after he moved from his home in northern NSW. Years ago I rang his old number and learned he'd moved. I tried the phone directory for the area and also Canberra and Perth where I knew his older brothers Keith and Bill lived at some stage, to no avail. Every number I called was a dead end. Mr.Forster died in 1976 and Mrs. in1981.

While shopping in Emerald about three years ago I had a conversation with a lady, Bronwyn, who mentioned casually her husband's aunt, who, before advancing years and the loss of her husband largely confined her to home, was a regular visitor to Chamomile Farm. I recalled my parents telling me Graeme's brother Keith, on his way up to visit friends way back in the 1970's, had called in at the farm. His friends were Bronwyn's husband's aunt and uncle. I asked Bronwyn did she see the aunt much and she said that coincidentally they were going to see her the next day. Bronwyn said she'd ask the aunt if she still had contact with Keith Forster.

I saw Bronwyn in the street a couple of weeks later and she told me that the aunt did have Keith's phone number but she didn't get it from her when she was there, as the old lady was not well and she didn't like to push, but she would get it next time or when circumstances were right. Well I didn't see Bronwyn again for three years, till about last August. She explained she'd been living in Dubai for the last two years and when I jogged her about the phone number she told me the aunt was still alive and she'd ask again. Days later I met Bronwyn again and she obligingly gave me a piece of paper with Keith's mobile phone number on it.

I rang Keith twice about a month apart and left a message on the answering service. Keith had not responded by November. I was beginning to feel like that bloke in the TV ad who rang his mate eating a pie across the road on his mobile and watched his mate ("Come on Johnny me old mate" as the phone rang) check who the call was from before ignoring it and putting the phone away. On November 14, Jod's 60th birthday, I rang Keith again, realizing it was also Bill Forster's birthday and hoping to get Bill's phone number so I could  ring him and surprise him with a birthday greeting.

This time Keith answered. He apologized for not calling earlier, he'd been busy. He's a single parent looking after his 17 year old daughter from his second marriage. He works as an analyst for the defence Department in Canberra. He told me Bill had died of dementia a couple of years back, aged 58. He gave me Graeme's address, phone and email details and on Dec 22 I emailed Graeme, prompted by Christmas.

Graeme lives on the Gold Coast. He's a carer for his wife who has suffered a series of strokes. They have three grown up kids aged 29, 26 and 20. The girls are at Uni and live at home and his son Darcy works as a bush regenerator, mostly on Stradbroke Is. The eldest, Ella, is completing a philosophy degree and has a spiritual and inward inclination which Graeme says is something she has in common with him.

There's a picture in our family album of Graeme and I in the Mt.Waverley Primary School football team photo. We're sitting centre in the front row, each with both our hands on the footy between us. We were in Grade 5. Most of the kids in the photo were grade sixers, in that year in which our school won the area footy comp. The captain is holding the shield in the photo. I remember little of the actual footy but I think we played the very strong Chadstone in the deciding match and against the odds and showing great persistence we triumphed narrowly. There's also a class photo of our grade 5, 1962, in which again Graeme and I have the then fashionable crew cut hair.

We were inseparable mates for four or five years. Sport orientated and athltetic, fit young fellows, we rode pushbikes everywhere, kicked the footy in the park for hours on end, played cricket and shuttlecock in the back yard, pool and billiards, all with a friendly competetiveness. I could never bridge the foot or so edge Graeme had over me in a sprint race. Each summer I'd go away on holiday with the Forster family to Lorne or Torquay. Mr and Mrs Forster treated me like one of the family and I soaked up the holiday atmosphere and the beach environment and casual picnic type lunches of fresh rolls and salad. And lemon squashes at the pub when Mr. Forster (also Bill) nipped in for a beer on the way down. Greame and I did a paper round to give the regulars a break over Christmas to earn spending money for our holiday, on which we budgeted carefully to pay for icecreams, mini golf, trampoline sessions and soft drink. It was wonderful childhood stuff.

When primary school finished I was grateful my parents sent me to Malvern Grammar where Graeme was enrolled, and where Keith and Bill had already passed through forms 1 and 2 and progressed to the senior school, Caulfield Grammar. We in turn moved on to Caulfield Grammar in 1966 where I think the pressures of senior school and different classes and subjects separated us a bit. Probably with adolescence came interest in the opposite sex which further compounded life and we lost our simple boyhood alliance that was our bond. It was all a bit  much for me. I became wayward and rebellious and found similar companions and was ultimately expelled from school in 1968, and our two families each had their own dramas. My family moved from Mt.Waverley in 1971, Graeme was at university, and I saw him rarely by then.

In his email Graeme said he had so many fond memories of our childhood and of my family, some of which I've mentioned above and others like fireworks and water bombs recall to me how we were often quite mischievous and downright naughty. One hot summer's day we found we could make effective water bombs which could be lobbed through the open window of the train into the driver's head or lap from our strategic ambush position as the train left the station. After watching the driver duck in evasive action as he wondered what the devil was coming at him we'd ride away laughing till our bellies ached.

Another of Graeme's memories was the 1964 Grand Final which we attended in standing room as 12 twelve year olds. My team Melbourne won by four points after 'Weideman' had put Collingwood ahead in the dying moments. I have to correct Graeme on that, it was Gabelich that kicked that goal. It was Melbourne's last premiership, and he's correct that his team Essendon has had a lot more success since, to the tune of 5 flags- 65, 84, 85, 93, and 2000 (when they beat Melbourne). I hope the pendulum swings back now, but I have to say over the years I've been glad for Graeme when Essendon had success, even though I couldn't stand that thug Sheedy. I'm pleased that Graeme still has an interest in the footy and goes to the odd pre-season game when it's on at Carrara.

 Graeme said also his main interest over the past twenty years has been remembering God. He's not a member of any church group but I took from his comments that he has a belief and meditates and has an inward peace which removes him from the troubles of society and the stresses of life. He said he was agnostic till the late 1980's when personal experience started him on his inward search, but it probably had its origin back when he was present at first his father's death in 1976, then his mother's in 1981. On both occasions he felt they left to go somewhere else, so that to him, they never really died. It was comforting for me to read. I was so very fond of Bill and Ethel Forster who were like another set of parents to me. I think I always felt I let them down with the waywardness of my adolescence, and of course with their passing from this life so long ago, I never had the chance to put it right later, or at least give them back some of the human kindness they showed me when I was young, the kindness that has been so important in helping me be as compassionate a person as I can.

Graeme saying it felt like his parents left to go somewhere else reminded me of something Meredith once said. She was present when our nanna Wilson died, and she said it was like an unstoppable force leaving, which was not unlike the feeling she had when her daughters were born, except in that case the unstoppable force was coming not going.

Graeme said my email would bring him many smiles at Christmas. I'm so glad for that.