20 Years Nicotine Free

May came and went without me being aware that it marked the 20th anniversary of my giving up the fags. I thought of it the other day when I saw a boy about 16yo having a smoke walking to the school bus stop in the main street. A big lump of a lad he was, with wavy hair, dishevelled uniform and the most disinterested look about him that you could imagine.

Apart from his size he reminded me of me at that age, dragging myself about with no motivation and little if any understanding of why it was I was forced to do the things I had to endure, and snatching a smoke at every opportunity. I felt sorry for him.

I started smoking one day after a friend offered me one at age 15 and was hooked right then till age 39 in 1991. It was my boys aged 5 and 3 imitating me smoking with their drinking straws that finally motivated me to be a non smoker, which suddenly seemed a better option as a father figure role model. Fortunately neither of my boys as they grew older showed any interest in smoking. I didn't nag at them not to smoke, knowing that didn't work in my case; my parents were crusading non smokers who warned and threatened at every opportunity.

I would have liked to have gone up to the young bloke and briefly told him the agony I had breaking the habit and advise him to stop now before the habit got a strong hold on him, but it would have been more likely counter productive. He must be aware of all the negatives of smoking already yet he chooses to smoke anyway. An old bloke like me giving him an unasked for lecture would probably only make him want to light up another straight away.

It's a funny thing, nicotine addiction. Some people suffer it worse than others. For the most part Lib was one of those who could take it or leave it, and has spent most of her adult life as a non smoker with bouts of social smoking. I could never do that, I was a full on addict and I'm so happy I beat it back when I did. The key was telling myself continually that I now chose not to smoke and that every day I didn't smoke was a good day because I didn't smoke, and my being was clean of nicotine, no matter what else might go wrong.

It's still a great feeling when I remind myself. I suppose it's about respect for self, which I think opens you up to a whole lot more good thoughts and vibes. But I don't deny my adolescence was troubled and I thought back then the fag habit helped me through a lot of emotional stress. Maybe that young bloke really needs a fag to help him face up to catching the bus and enduring hours cooped up in a class room being overloaded with stuff he has no interest in. It's not for me to judge.

Last week Gord and I went to the funeral of a young local bloke who went through school with Gord. He was a big, strong strikingly handsome young man of 25, a fitness fanatic with a partner and many friends, and seemingly a wonderful life ahead. He took his own life. Some years ago another of Gord's childhood tribe was killed in a car accident. Another of his friends died of cancer a few years ago.

You won't find me getting around giving smokers a hard time.