I lifted the
lid of the septic tank cautiously using a spade at first to prize it loose. When
I could get my fingers underneath it I braced myself over it with knees and
shoulders square and lifted the concrete plate which was about 2 foot by 18
inches and perhaps 3 inches thick.
Immediately
visible on top of the mass in the tank was solid shit packed like a cake. I
started shovelling it out into two twenty litre buckets. There was not much
smell at this point, the packed old shit was crusted and thick, needing slicing
with the spade to lift chunks into the buckets. It was a dry day but cold,
perfect conditions for the task. In warm weather I thought, the stench would be
unbelievable, like it was the last time I did this about 13 years ago, when the
system was obviously blocked and toilets and laundry sink were not clearing
properly and urgent action was necessary. On that occasion the septic tank man
couldn’t come for four days so I took to investigating myself rather than have
inoperable toilets and washing machine till he did. I found the blockage in the
entry to the tank and amid the swarms of flies I cleared the solids from the
tank and tipped them into a big hole I had dug in the garden. I cancelled the septic man having solved the
problem myself.
This time I
was onto it before there was a serious problem. When Lib was in the shower
before going to work early one morning recently I was outside doing something,
probably taking a piss, and I heard the water going down the pipe from the vent
outside the laundry. Instead of the customary constant tinkle of running water
there was an odd sound like “whoop, whoop, whoop,” as if there was a build up
of water that forced its way through at intervals of a few seconds. Hello I
thought, after all these years there could be an obstruction looming as the
septic tank clogged with solids.
My assessment
was spot on. For more than a decade I’ve put a bacterial cleaning agent into
the septic tank weekly via the toilet and this has done well, thirteen years
between tank cleaning is a good result. But it shows that manual cleaning is
inevitable, whether that be by commercial pumping out which is recommended
every five years, or by spade and bucket which has been my choice this last two
times. I had a large hole dug out under the trees into which I had poured the
grease from the grease trap a couple of months ago when I cleaned it. The
grease and liqid had disappeared into mother earth, so the hole was used again.
I quickly
filled the hole with solids from the tank. I didn’t dig another hole, I thought
I’d just keep piling the shit up and cover it with dirt and debris when I
finished, or else I’d never finish before the light ran out given that we are
nearly at the shortest day of the year. I stopped counting at sixty buckets but
there were not many more. I got the concrete lid of the tank back in place with
great difficulty and covered the now big mound of shit with dirt leaves and old
cardboard packaging. I took of my clothes and soaked them in the launry trough
with disinfectant and took myself to a long hot bath where I scrubbed up far
more assiduously than usual.
That is the
shit from three or four people over 13 years. Imagine the volume for the
population of a city like Melbourne. My hat is doffed to the authority
responsible for dealing with it, not just Melbourne but in all cities worldwide,
it’s a huge task without which society would break down with disease and filth
and stench.
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